Mom's Last Letter to Ryan

Dear Ryan, From your Mom,


Ryan, I know you are here, I can feel you. I am not going to say good –bye because you are with me always. I learned to do this because we spent so much time apart. We would both be looking at the moon while we were talking on the phone. I will always think of you when I look at the moon.

Ryan means “Little King”, and that, you were. When you were a little boy, you would bring me yellow dandelions and your little nose would be all yellow from sniffing them so much. Last week you gave me a big yellow mum with a big smile on your face. I could see the pain behind that smile, and I know how you tried to overcome the feelings of sadness in your heart, but those beautiful blue eyes and big smile and hugs is what I will always remember the most. I know that you are in heaven, sitting with Jesus and making plans on how you will help others from Heaven, because that is what you did best. Help others.


I remember when you were 12, and we were in Baltimore when you gave your last dollar to a homeless man. And once when you were away, you used your snack money to buy an old man a pair of sneakers because he didn’t have shoes. I remember at our yard sale when the skinny mom and her two boys only had 10.00 dollars and they needed sneakers for school, and I watched you look at their faces of disappointment as they walked away after she told them she didn’t have enough money. I knew before you did it, what you were going to do. Remember how happy they were with Brand new sneakers. You were truly a little king.


You know that Darrin loved you so much, like the son he never had. He will be yelling “Spring Break !!“ from the boat everytime we go up the river in your memory !! Please know that we are sad, but will carry on for you, and your family like you asked us to. Thank you for being a wonderful son, and thank you for giving us two beautiful blue eyes girls who will be treasured forever.


Everyday was an adventure with you, and Thank you for being such a neat person. We surely had our ups and downs, but I stood by you no matter want, and I will stand by you to the day I come and join you in heaven. I am so thankful that our family now has the best guardian angel anyone could ask for. I love you and will be talking to you in my prayers every day.

This song is for you Ryan. “If I die young”


Love you, Mom