When I'm Alone....

"But sister you know I'm so weary
And you know sister
My hearts been broken
Sometimes, sometimes
My mind is too strong to carry on
Too strong to carry on
I said brother, you know you know
It's a long road we've been walking on
Brother you know it is, you know it is
Such a long road we've been walking on..."
-Alexi Murdoch, "Orange Sky"

I am ok until I am alone and my mind immediately turns to you. To see your face in pictures... I thought the pain would start to fade. No such luck yet. Late at night it's the worse... as well as Sunday nights/Monday mornings.

My Dad must have known something was up this morning. He sent me a text that said "Have a good day Lynds - love ya!" and normally I respond right away because I'm getting ready or driving to work, but this morning I did not respond. I couldn't sleep last night so I slept in a little and got permission ahead of time to go into work a little late since I have no class first period. He followed it up with a text that said "Are you ok?" and then I said "Yea I'm ok but I'm going into work late..." and he goes "I thought so." I said "How did you know?" and he said "Sunday nights are rough..." True story.

Now I am carrying some more weight. I worry about someone in particular; my Mom. Anna and the girls are out now and I know she misses having people at the house, the hustle and the bustle. Please say some prayers for her because she is not taking it well and she needs visitors to make her smile and laugh!!!! My Mom has a heart of gold and loves doing things for people; I don't want that to change.

Speaking of, I've had two people come to me about serious advice. Both of these young ladies chose to come to me out of all the people in their lives and I think that speaks volumes. I love teaching for right now but I think someday I am going to want to put all this energy and experience into something a little more personal. Not necessarily a psychologist but something... where I can help people each day. To realize that life is not always perfect but it is a gift. It is precious. It is not easy and there are ups and downs but such is life. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Fall down 7 times get up 8. The longest staircase starts with the first step. I know Ryan would want me to.


I think God has big plans for me. I'm curious to see what they are. But no matter what I do, I know Ryan will be right there with me. Holding my hand....


"When I am alone
When I've thrown off the weight of this crazy stone
When I've lost all care for the things I own
That's when I miss you, that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you
You who are my home..."
-Alexi Murdoch, "Orange Sky"

Goodnight big bro,
Lynds