Smile!

Got this note from a friend and I made the mistake of reading it at 4:30 this morning and I laughed so hard it woke me and got me out of bed, which is sometimes the hardest part of my day, so here I am... wide awake thinking.

November 4, 2010
"I read your one post and you said how you don't think people talk about it because they don't want to burden others. I think you're wrong. It's not a burden, it's a heavy weight to carry, and it sucks, but it sucks because the heavy weight we are carrying is memories, cherished memories. And it's heavy because we're carrying every last memory we can remember. And we're defensive of this, we don't wanna let go, so it hurts to think some things may be forgotten. But that's why I find your blog refreshing, while you may be letting some of that weight go, it's not gone, as others pick up that memory and take it with them as well. I'm happy to see your perspective to your brother, as I know it's completely different from how I knew him. He looked out for you when you weren't even around, I remember him talking to me about you. "I gotta make sure she doesn't do the same things I've done". "If you see her being bad you tell me, I'll talk to her". I'm glad to see your posts. None of my friends knew him, so I can't talk to them about him really, they can't remember what we did. This helps me, seeing how your relationship with him got closer over the years.

I would say keep writing, and don't ever think that it's a burden you're putting on others. You honor Ryan greatly through your words, memories, and thoughts. If you ever just want to talk about him or whatever I'll listen. Because I don't see it as a burden. And he'd want me to be there for his lil sis if she ever needed it. So I am.

Also I remember a time I drove by you on the fourwheeler on top of the mountain, really fast through the mud. May have gotten you muddy..... I just remember this horrid look of death rays being shot at me. Yeah, sorry bout that haha. Smile."

This really made me laugh so hard. And it's probably true! I have been known to give those looks lol!

But this also made me remember something. This particular friend mentioned Ryan never letting me be bad. He never wanted me to make mistakes he had made; so protective. Anyway any of you who know me and know me well, know that I am anti-drug, 100%... none. While I won't judge you if you partake in any (even casually), I just prefer not to and I have my reasons. I meddled with a certain common one twice back in high school (can I get in trouble for this now??? HAHA) and felt nothing. The third time I did and I ended up getting sick and not being able to come home until like 3 or 4 in the morning. My brother came and got me. I remember not only the look on his face but the words he said to me that morning. I knew how much I had disappointed him and it killed me. At the time I wondered why it mattered or why he cared or how he had any room to talk... but now I know. The look I got and the feeling that I had disappointed my big brother was so strong and I'll never forget that morning. I haven't touched a thing since and that was 11th grade............

I make mistakes...big ones, but I never make them twice.
-Mona Lisa Smile

Find a reason to smile each day!!!!!