Meet Me in the Middle

Mom went to see a median tonight. She was right on point for a lot. She then said.... your son.....

The lady held her hand up in front of my Mom's face and said "He's here.... RIGHT now." She talked all about him and his struggles and the love between Mom and Ryan. Then she brought me up. She said... your daughter.... she is well educated. She works with kids but shes continuing her education right now and she wants to do something where she helps people. (Ironically I just blogged this the other day). She said "she needs to just keep going... she's doing well for herself."

She said "Your daughter talks to Ryan each day." She said that he is worried about me; that I don't understand.......

It's supposed to get better. I do fine during the day; then at night I feel like I break down to a million pieces. How is everyone else keeping it together? Is theirs private like mine? I guess it's best. Then you don't burden everyone else with it. I hope I'm not doing that by writing this but it just feels so good to get it all out so if you can't handle reading it or you think those are my intentions I would stop now.

Mom said the cops gave her back the video tapes Ryan made us. He made each of us one...Dad, Anna and the girls, Nana and Poppop, Me, and Mom. Mom's was last so it got cut off but it's ok because Mom knows in her heart what he's saying to her. She was his BEST friend -- never once gave up on him ever. Never turned her back. Never let him fall. She knows....

Mom said my video was the longest and that really tore me up. I asked her how it started and she said Ryan looked at the camera and said...."This is for my little sis...."

I'll watch it this weekend. I can't wait. I cry just thinking about it.

I am glad Ryan hears me talking to him. I just wish he would come wrap his arms around me and hug me all night.


Goodnight. Stay True.