Today was a step up from yesterday. Kind of a numb day. I had a good talk with Mrs. Thomas this morning and I told her some things I haven't told anyone else yet. Just feelings and thoughts I've been running over and over in my head. Woulda coulda shouldas.
I found a letter from Ryan dated May 6, 2009. It was a birthday letter to me. His letter was bursting with excitement because of baby J on the way :) He talked about wanting nothing more than being there when his baby girl was born. I could hear the eagerness and excitement in his words. "A baby changes everything; it's a feeling like no other <3" he wrote.
He signed it with his infamous message to me, as usual, "drive safe baby sis, love ya!"
Love always, Your big bro
Ryan didn't have a ton of things that made him feel proud but at the top, surely, was being a big bro, and being a Daddy....
I'm really tired. Time to get some sleep. Maybe tonight I won't wake up each hour, and open my eyes, hoping to see a familiar face peering through the darkness.
Signed,
Lil Sis
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